Performance Buff Gifts

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

"Wait! Don't start the chase now: I need to stretch first!:

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

The World's First Electronic Paperweight

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

Great Moments in Computing #192: Newton discovers the computer.

'Once I got the cold fusion problem out of the way, the rest was easy!'

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

"Dopamine Casino. Gambling that makes you feel like gambling."

'I have identified 240 stages of organizational change. Before I discuss them, coffee anyone?'

Motivation to Keep Fit.

Pollyanna, the Hamster

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

"I'd like to give you a break, but we did have you doing a hundred and eighty-six thousand miles a second on the radar."

MI5 Press Office

The tortoise and the hare are in a shoe store trying on shoes in preparation for their race.

"... But here in the outside world, I need more time and I need more space."

'We've found the problem...'

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

Physics toy.

'I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth!'

Monkey casino study.

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

Conserve water! NO compulsive hand washing

"It's a plant based solution."

Progress: The amount of effort expended multiplied by the square of the ratio of scientists to managers: P=E X (S/M)2.

'Mind if we play through?'

Internal Combustion.

I'm on a productivity drive.

Higgs Boson particles at a training session: "Geneva is a no-fly zone."