Pentecost Sunday Gifts

Polly txt speak

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Super Dog'

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"Where's the ball? Where's the ball?"

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"Fill it up!"

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

A child interrupting family prayers

You're arrogant, aloof and spoiled...but I mean that in the nicest way.

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Riley, I think it's time you learned the truth... You're adopted.'

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

'The vet said that getting spayed might hurt a little. But having nine puppies hurt a little, too.'

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

Dog ignores angry cat.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."