Pensive Drinker Gifts

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

Wine Lady

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'The first cocktail.'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

The drinker.

'Just too many choices.'

Cocktails and Peacocks

"Physician heal thyself."

Welcome! Milk Convention!: 'Bourbon, milk chaser- no, make that milk, bourbon chaser.'

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

'I think globally but I drink locally!'

"So how did 'DRY JANUARY' go?"

'I'm middle aged.' 'You'll grow out of it!'

Christmas drinker

'What do you mean, 'Land Ahoy!'? We're just trading Fishing Season for Hunting Season.'

'Thinker's drinker.'

'There's a machine now that tells you when to stop drinking. It's called a cash point machine.'

"I like worrying about the future. I'm so busy I don't regret the past."

Optimist - Pessimist - Pragmatist

"My therapist told me to stop bottling things up."

'I just hate how everyone sees everything as black or white!'

"Time flies." "Time is money."

'I would like one of your driest martinis in one of your finest sippy cups.'

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

'I used to be ambitious, but I find it easier to feel guilty about lack of ambition.'

Joe's Bar: Ask about our self-esteem seminar.

'They're nice, but do you really expect me to drink my imported Merlot from domestic Merlot glasses?'

"This whole thing has turned him into a hypochondriac, he's even installed a medicine cabinet in his den."

'Empower me again, Al.'

Hunting, gathering, hunting, gathering...I keep thinking there must be more to life.

'I think the guy behind me is saying grace.'