Pension Pondering Gifts

Bomers and Bummer

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"Scary stuff, but I'm not sure the world is ready for the unexpurgated story of life as a pensions adviser!"

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

"A 12 month tour of the USA costs us less than staying at home for a year."

Insomnia.

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

"My parents taught me stuff until I was six, and then they outsourced me to Central Elementary."

Department of Work and No Pension