Pension Discussions Gifts

'At least we get decent pensions.'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

401K

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

Someone loses his pension.

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

Today's Sermon: We come into this world with nothing and we leave with nothing. Is there any chance of a bailout?

"We were poor and had the good sense to be miserable."

'It's true that money can't buy everything, Caldwell, but it's not healthy to dwell on it.'

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

Rolling Over a Pension.

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

"Who would have thought retirement would be this much fun."

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

It's 10pm do you know where your 401-k is?'

"At you age I had already started a Pension Pot."