Pension Perfectionist Gifts

"Is it my fault they can't be bothered to learn 19th century Persian in order to read it!"

Build Your Own Portfolio

Bullseye!

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

"I think you might need to start again."

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

Surreal ale

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

"We find it as long as you manage the inputs, the outputs will look after themselves."

"I think we should try something a little simpler."

'The project is a little behind schedule. It was proactive, now it's retroactive.'

'Then it's settled. We'll make 7 million with blue handles, 5 million with red handles, 4 million with purple handles and 2 million with green handles.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

Man looking at watch while a cuckoo comes out of his head

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

"You're pretty optimistic about this new investment strategy of your's, aren't you?"

'Am I the first one here?'

"Always faithful to arrive early and, of course, get the dibs on the jelly doughnuts."

Poetry repairman

"Wallace couldn't come, but I brought some of his fussy prose."

Writer

Perfection

"I'm afriad we had to cancel the 'perfect planning ' seminar. We forgot to book the hotel until it was to late and the speaker we hoped to use died in 1958."

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

'Regarding our deadline - have we moved to long-range planning or still stuck in short-term excuses?'

'He's a real stickler for punctuality. He got really annoyed when I was late for an appointment, next week.'

'Daft title. How could you have 'backward' planning?'

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."