Penny-pinching Punster Gifts

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

Bitter End

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

A Tongue Stud.

'Hopefully this will not have a negative impact on my dinner.'

"This is your great, great uncle Orlando. He was a great mathematician, but a little cheap. He always picked up the check at restaurants...but only to make sure the math was right."

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

Surfin' the web.

Kissing Game

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Timmy Gets Solitary.

"Is that a fixed-rate scowl or is it adjustable to the current interest rate?"

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

"Diversification doesn't mean hiding the money under the mattress, the sofa and 2 chairs!"

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'Yes, you have to say a prayer of thanks for the shrimp. Just a little one.'

I brought two #1 pencils.

'I hope you get an ice cream headache!'

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies