Penicillin Ponderer Gifts

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

Thinking and thinking backwards.

'Ooops. Look at it this way: you won't have to worry about bee mites infesting your colonies now.'

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bumper Limos

"Is there a God?"

"Woah - random!"

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'It's a real conundrum. Not sure if I should open it, or beat it.'

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

'The hippiest dryads were often farouche.'

Answers to last week's brain-teasers

'That's from the last year the data was available.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

"If Foucault's Pendulum is correct - 15 degrees per sidereal hour times the side of the latitude - then I'm an hour late for lunch."

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

Bizarre sights.

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."