Pen Whisperer Gifts

"But I have a hard time calling this real writing."

Writer

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

Fixing the Computer.

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

Husband bakes a pie

"I'm sorry, Walter, but I need room to write."

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

A woman playing a keyboard

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

'Are you done yet?'

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

Creator's Block

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Cleaning the Horse

'The contractor didn't do windows.'

Frederic Chopin

A depressed artist imagines a drawing, but it turns black.

'This one's titled, 'Artist's Block'.'

'Okay, let's try it one more time...slippers...slippers....'

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

'If another barman cracks the joke about not serving spirits, I'm leaving ...'

'Stop gritting your teeth!'