Pen Whisperer Gifts

"But I have a hard time calling this real writing."

Writer

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

Fixing the Computer.

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

Husband bakes a pie

"I'm sorry, Walter, but I need room to write."

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

A woman playing a keyboard

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

'Are you done yet?'

Creator's Block

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

Cleaning the Horse

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

'The contractor didn't do windows.'

Frederic Chopin

'Okay, let's try it one more time...slippers...slippers....'

'This one's titled, 'Artist's Block'.'

A depressed artist imagines a drawing, but it turns black.

"Next year we are committed to having a paperless office, and this is how we are going to do it."

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

'If another barman cracks the joke about not serving spirits, I'm leaving ...'

"I suffer for my art..."

'Stop gritting your teeth!'