Pan Whisperer Gifts

Chef trying to coax a chicken into a pan.

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

A woman playing a keyboard

Husband bakes a pie

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

"He's cooing on the ledge. May I take a message?"

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

Spiders all over the place, "Hello, Guiness book of records?"

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

'Aren't collar doves cute!'

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

Cleaning the Horse

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

Frederic Chopin

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

'If nothing sticks to Teflon, how come Teflon sticks to the pan?'

'If another barman cracks the joke about not serving spirits, I'm leaving ...'

'SSHHH, PIANOS. TWO GRANDS AND A BABY. ONE HAS THE LID UP AND THE OTHER ONE IS BARING ITS KEYS. BETTER GET THE CELLO.'

"Perhaps a dirge would lift your spirits?"

"Before we make contact with the departed, be aware that all communications will be recorded and maybe used for training purposes."

"I'm a medium." "Really? I'm a large!" "Your late Aunt Nancy warmed me you'd say that."