Pony Whisperer Gifts

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Cleaning the Horse

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"Keep calm woman - you're making him nervous."

"Now we mustn't lose our temper Wendy, perhaps we'll be good enough for the gymkhana next year."

One for Him.

Bitchbark Canoe

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Children's Parties

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Foster failure"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"Quick, start the car!"

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Barks in code.

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."