Pillow Whisperer Gifts

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

I quilt therefore I am

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"Do you have any knitting patterns for somebody who can only count to five?"

"I'm sorry, Walter, but I need room to write."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

Pachyderm insomnia.

'He followed me home, Dad -- can I oppress him?'

"What do you mean it could've been better?"

"Don’t worry, girl. I’m working on our ‘no puppy left behind.’"

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

"He's got SUCH greasy hair, and dandruff like you wouldn't believe!"

'If you can't sleep...imagine you're at work.'

"The dog is developing quicker than me."

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Cleaning the Horse

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

'Okay, let's try it one more time...slippers...slippers....'

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

"Next year we are committed to having a paperless office, and this is how we are going to do it."

"Where do you to go?"

He liked his communication soft and cuddly.

"The downside of living in the wild is that I need to shear myself now. Boy, do I now appreciate the skill professional shearers have: it's hard!"

'The girls in the office said you were very energetic in bed - the lying bastards!'

"Who's God?"

"Out! Damned Spot!"

Lawyer, couple in bed - 'Natalie, remember my mother said we shouldn't go to sleep without settling things...'

"I know you love me, I just wish you would take longer showing it."

Sex Score

'Pencil for Cartoonists.'

'Your eating in bed is really getting out of hand.'