Pillow Whisperer Pillows

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

I quilt therefore I am

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"I'm sorry, Walter, but I need room to write."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Do you have any knitting patterns for somebody who can only count to five?"

Pachyderm insomnia.

'He followed me home, Dad -- can I oppress him?'

"What do you mean it could've been better?"

"Don’t worry, girl. I’m working on our ‘no puppy left behind.’"

"He's got SUCH greasy hair, and dandruff like you wouldn't believe!"

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

'If you can't sleep...imagine you're at work.'

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

"The dog is developing quicker than me."

Cleaning the Horse

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

'Okay, let's try it one more time...slippers...slippers....'

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

"Where do you to go?"

"The downside of living in the wild is that I need to shear myself now. Boy, do I now appreciate the skill professional shearers have: it's hard!"

"Next year we are committed to having a paperless office, and this is how we are going to do it."

He liked his communication soft and cuddly.

'The girls in the office said you were very energetic in bed - the lying bastards!'

"Who's God?"

'Pencil for Cartoonists.'

"I know you love me, I just wish you would take longer showing it."

"Out! Damned Spot!"

"Next week is out. I'll be in Houston merchandising my pain."

Lawyer, couple in bed - 'Natalie, remember my mother said we shouldn't go to sleep without settling things...'

Sex Score