Pillow Talker Pillows

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

"Let's explore why you detest my throw pillows."

'I'm sorry about all the tossing and turning sweetheart, It's that darn restless Len syndrome,'

'The girls in the office said you were very energetic in bed - the lying bastards!'

'Does this bed have a sleep number?'

"Where do you to go?"

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

Pachyderm insomnia.

"What do you mean it could've been better?"

"He's got SUCH greasy hair, and dandruff like you wouldn't believe!"

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

'If you can't sleep...imagine you're at work.'

"Now give me something intimate to say."

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

"But in the dream, ha ha, your family was normal, even that sociopath little brother of yours."

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

He liked his communication soft and cuddly.

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

"Who's God?"

'The keepers will be in soon - we better get back to the straw and bamboo.'

"Use your inside voice."

"I know you love me, I just wish you would take longer showing it."

"Next week is out. I'll be in Houston merchandising my pain."

Lawyer, couple in bed - 'Natalie, remember my mother said we shouldn't go to sleep without settling things...'

"Mother, you were right."

Sex Score

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

"Jesus, Mike. Play me or trade me."

"It's the sighs that count."

"You're a pig in bed."

Squawk dirty to me...