Pillow Talker Pillows

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

"Let's explore why you detest my throw pillows."

Did you hear about the latest oil spill, Gloria? Let me guess

'I'm sorry about all the tossing and turning sweetheart, It's that darn restless Len syndrome,'

'The girls in the office said you were very energetic in bed - the lying bastards!'

'Does this bed have a sleep number?'

"Where do you to go?"

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

Pachyderm insomnia.

"What do you mean it could've been better?"

"He's got SUCH greasy hair, and dandruff like you wouldn't believe!"

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

'If you can't sleep...imagine you're at work.'

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

"But in the dream, ha ha, your family was normal, even that sociopath little brother of yours."

"Now give me something intimate to say."

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

He liked his communication soft and cuddly.

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

"Who's God?"

'The keepers will be in soon - we better get back to the straw and bamboo.'

Lawyer, couple in bed - 'Natalie, remember my mother said we shouldn't go to sleep without settling things...'

Sex Score

"Next week is out. I'll be in Houston merchandising my pain."

"Mother, you were right."

"Use your inside voice."

'Your eating in bed is really getting out of hand.'

"I know you love me, I just wish you would take longer showing it."

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

"I dreamed my parents were still alive."