Pee Perfectionist Gifts

"Drink more water and you'll live longer. Trouble is you'll spend that extra time peeing."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Bullseye!

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

Surreal ale

Husband bakes a pie

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'I'm sorry but my little boy, Jack, ruined them all today.'

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

"....and some apple pie for dessert...oh miss, remember that a la mode!"

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

'Linda thought her apple pie would be safe...'

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

'this is the only place where no one is fooling around with the genes.'

Quality Contorl.

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'This pea is the first vegetable that I've ever grown so I would like to have it stuffed and mounted.'

If you want to spend more time with your family, fill out a job application like the rest of us!'

"You'll come? Great." "The Hendersons will be too." "We'll kill them at poker." "Phil and Edna, planning a murder for later that night."

Certificate for 98.4% accurasy.

Ventriloquist's fete

"Page 33, line 4..."

Ballet shoes balancing on a telephone wire

'This course is a great ego builder.'

A conductor practising in front of a mirror.

"They were apparently more advanced than we thought."

'Exactly what is wrong with the pie? I'll have you know I paid a lot of money for that bush meat at the corner shop.'

Pie

'You always go that extra mile, don't you Molly.'