Pediatric Care Aficionado T-Shirts

Ear, nose & throat. Head, shoulder, knees & toes.

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"They grow up so fast."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

The cell phone soother for life.

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The child is very illogical'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

Gifts for a cloned baby!

Pumpkin patch

"The first one's just a warning."

"Too much sugar."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."