Pediatric Care Aficionado Pillows

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"They grow up so fast."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

The cell phone soother for life.

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The child is very illogical'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"The first one's just a warning."

Pumpkin patch

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"Too much sugar."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."