Pediatric Care Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I'd like a second opinion. He followed me home, can I keep him?"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"They grow up so fast."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

The cell phone soother for life.

A midwife holding a baby

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The child is very illogical'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

Pumpkin patch

"The first one's just a warning."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

"Too much sugar."