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Just giving him his nose drops.

'Nurse we only kiss nighty night in the childrens' ward.'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

Little doctor.

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'Hah! The joke's on you — I already thought up a second opinion!'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

London GPs could become an endangered species.

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

"I'll be fielding any questions you may have and my assistant, Carol, will be googling the answer."

Guide to Contagious Diseases.

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

'Wendy! I'm glad you came over! I want you to see my baby's ultrasound hologram!'

Parts Department

'We're playing doctor ??" Billy's the anesthetist.'

'That's the diagnosis of my diagnostic desktop. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my diagnostic tablet.'

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

What will the little one be? Epidemiologist? Virologist? PPE manufacturer?

Healthy Patients Only

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"