Peaceful Home Enthusiast Gifts

Reprisals!

"I didn't spark joy."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

“I’m stayin’ home — I want the world to know — I pro-bab-ly won’t go!”

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"To keep warm in winter you're looking at a new central heating system costing £20,000."

I don't want to go out, I just want to stay in.

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

"In da house"

Living together, couple in love.

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

'I know what you're thinking, honey, it's out of our price range but, wait till you see the size of the mailman's leg on this route!'

'Will this be a simple equity loan, or are you refinancing your whole marriage?'

"So, you're staying in then?"

Fireplace Projector.

Nest building

'Brew?'

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

"Clinton spoke at my inauguration, and it's so cold outside-can he crash here for another week?"

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

'Phase Two : More of the same'

'I'm okay with this... I'm not a risktaker.'

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

Changing house name.

You're in violation of several bylaws, ma'am: Too many peppermint sticks, gingerbread shingles, sugar pollution of storm sewers - And with all the kids we've seen go in there, your occupancy clearly exceeds ordinances.

"Tia Carmen, is this our house or is it our home?"

'It's a prize for being first to go home.'

"This is your breakfast nook and over there next to the refrigerator is your breakfast cranny."

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

COVID-19 dime

"Homeowner please help."