Home Life Enthusiast Gifts

"Something I never realized, all the years you were working, is that at three o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon you're a pain in the ass."

'Retirement won't be that different from work. You'll just be reporting to me.'

“I’m stayin’ home — I want the world to know — I pro-bab-ly won’t go!”

Things you did wrong today...

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

Reach for the Star.

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"I didn't spark joy."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

A DIY disaster.

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"I'm so good at this!"

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Your Home Remodel Team

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'