Payout Strategist Gifts

'The object is to make money, not pay claims! Don't make me tell you again!'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Will work for ETFs

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

"Dad, this is Wendy, she's going to re-negotiate my allowance!"

"If I'm such a poor risk, how did I get so deep into debt?"

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

401K

Two Players both holding the same cue.

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

'I've crunched the numbers and you can afford to increase my allowance by 15.5%.'

Screwdriver labelled 'Buyer' and screw labelled 'seller'.

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

'I don't need to know what it is when it's on sale.'

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

'Walk softly and carry a large credit line.'

"Honey, I love celebrating Christmas! I love all the food, the sweets, the Christmas tree and the presents, but our bank account hates Christmas!"

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

'Life, liberty & the pursuit of tax shelters.'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Pound sign in an hourglass.

Angel sees FIRE EXIT sign on trap door in cloud.

'I've begun spreading my wealth to offshore accounts.'

Dangling Carrots

'I realize money can't buy happiness, so I'm just trying to improve the exchange rate.'

"It's wonderful, Harry! How late does Neiman-Marcus stay open?"

The sword in the all-natural impossible-to-stir peanut butter.

"I see your point, but wouldn't it be more fun to spend it while I'm young enough to enjoy it?"

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your 401k is?"

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."