Profit Strategist Gifts

'When life serves you lemons, make lemonade, then calculate your fixed and variable costs and add a reasonable markup in order to create a profit.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

"I used to hate spam until I figured out how to make $78,000,000 sending it."

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

"But a windfall tax would mean abandoning a zero carbon future."

Boss, if you could be any superhero, which one would it be? Insurance-Adjuster-Man. In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure. Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast. "Heroes" aren't in it for the money. Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance ...

'When everyone else switched to liters, we saved a bundle continuing to use quart containers.'

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

Jack was a money machine.

"We could add a wobbly seat and lid that the idiots, er, customers would think they have to replace - at a premium, of course."

"I know our sales figures show a steep decline, on the flip side our profits are off the chart."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

Will work for ETFs

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"I just..."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'Are we broke yet?'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

'The recession is over, again.'

"Well, Comstock, still regret putting our profits back into research?"

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."