Profit Strategist Pillows

'When life serves you lemons, make lemonade, then calculate your fixed and variable costs and add a reasonable markup in order to create a profit.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

"I used to hate spam until I figured out how to make $78,000,000 sending it."

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

"But a windfall tax would mean abandoning a zero carbon future."

'When everyone else switched to liters, we saved a bundle continuing to use quart containers.'

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

Jack was a money machine.

"We could add a wobbly seat and lid that the idiots, er, customers would think they have to replace - at a premium, of course."

"I know our sales figures show a steep decline, on the flip side our profits are off the chart."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Will work for ETFs

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"Well, Comstock, still regret putting our profits back into research?"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'The recession is over, again.'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"I just..."

'Are we broke yet?'

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

Investing your savings