Pay Cut Gifts

'Super-size it, Joe. I've been downsized.'

'I don't know what to do about my check - grief or anger counseling.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

The Affordable Shredder

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

"I appreciate your vision and work ethic but I have a budget. How much would it cost for your vision without work ethics?"

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

"It's not downsizing—it's just that we have 976 employees who have chosen to spend more time with their families."

'A word in my office Jones.'

"Mom, I got the raise. They moved me to the second floor."

"To save money, 5 employees will share the same computer. I got the idea while I was carpooling."

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

'M.O.D. find budget replacement for the Fleet Air arm.'

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

'Gibson, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

'I'm afraid we have to let you go. As you know, you're entitled to a 'Golden Handshake'...

"Here's one I wrote myself. It's called 'Blues for the Guy I'm Laying Off.'"

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

What Bob thought outside the box.

'I did get a raise. Could that be it?'

"They told me my parachute would be golden. Turns out it's pyrite."