Patriarchy Planner Gifts

“They tease us for going together, but little do they know this is where we gather to plan the dismantling of the patriarchy.”

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Frankly, I prefer the monkey's plans.'

'We used to be a patriarchy, but lately we've been more goddess-centric.'

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

"I'm the kind of woman nobody calls pumpkin."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

I don't do wishbones. I do just-make-it-happen bones.

Baby reading 'To do list'.

Frog Baby Names

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

On the seventh day the ideation got a little heated.

'Help me, sir... I want to save my last sip of lemonade, but it doesn't work!'

'Good news dear, the doctor says we're going to have twins.'

"Are we there yet?"

'Let's see,,, You're answering prayers until 9:30,, Your Armageddon meeting's been pushed to 2:00 and it looks like your speaking engagement in Mrs, Ingersol's head is postponed 'til Thursday,'

Heavenly meetings.

"So, the inevitable sequel."

Concern Chart

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

"We can make you more pregnant than you ever though possible."

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"I hate to be a dream snatcher but your baby is going to be just average."

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

"Just for variety, Doc, next time let's insert the embryos doggy style."

"Just because it happened at the office Christmas party doesn't make it a 'work related accident'!"