Parental Prodigy Planner Gifts

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"I still plan to be a cowboy when I grow up. If I'm going to service my share of the national debt, I might as well have fun doing it."

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

“They tease us for going together, but little do they know this is where we gather to plan the dismantling of the patriarchy.”

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

Cindy's imaginary friend has the day off so the agency send over a temp to fill in.

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

"Should we keep the receipt in case of returns."

"Be afraid to try new things!"

Maternity ward.

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

Engineer on the move.

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

Frog Baby Names

"It's a Facebook Friend Request."

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

'Help me, sir... I want to save my last sip of lemonade, but it doesn't work!'

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

Australian baby with toys hanging from his hat rather than corks

"It's a game where we roll the dice to see which destination wedding we should spend our savings on this year."

"So, the inevitable sequel."

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

"We can make you more pregnant than you ever though possible."

'Dad a dachshund is really half a dog high and two dog long...'

"Attention, please. At 8:45 A.M. on Tuesday, July 29, 2008, you are all scheduled to take the New York State Bar Exam."