Patient Prognosticator Pillows

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

Beware of the 4th quarter.

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

'That is correct on so many levels Jenkins!'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

'Do you offer transcend dental medication?'

'Well, I'll be darned! It looks like just a lot of the same old stuff from here on out for you.'

doom.com

'Took longer than I thought it would.'

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on...'

Doom Gloom.

A Dow Jones Industrial Average Correction Is Near

'The End is Near' and 'There's No End In Sight.'

Mr. Science Times

'Our rivals have issued a big profit warning, so we'll issue an even bigger warning.'

'Now do you think that's done any good?'

Two doomsayers, one with a sign saying 'The end is near due to global warming' and the other 'The end is near due to nuclear winter'.

'Tell me more about your premonition of impending dom, Mr Syms...'

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

"Armageddon? Aren't you the one who was saying the sky was falling?"

'Before you use that information, I ought to tell you that the computer predicted we'd have record profits last year.'

"I'll go out on a limb and say time will tell."

'And this is Fred, our Senior Strategic Planner. He sees around corners most of us don't even know are there!'

"Turns out the sky isn’t falling … it's just the global markets crumbling."

'Would this affect the markets?'

'Well, son, the bad news is that one day you'll become fuel to power cars. But the good news is you'll go for $5 a gallon!'