Patient Prognosticator T-Shirts

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

Beware of the 4th quarter.

The End Is Nigh. . . Told You

"We have reason to believe there may be some volatility in the fourth quarter."

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

'That is correct on so many levels Jenkins!'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

'Do you offer transcend dental medication?'

'Well, I'll be darned! It looks like just a lot of the same old stuff from here on out for you.'

doom.com

'Took longer than I thought it would.'

A Dow Jones Industrial Average Correction Is Near

Doom Gloom.

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on...'

'The End is Near' and 'There's No End In Sight.'

Mr. Science Times

'And right here the company experienced a cataclysmic event of biblical proportions.'

'Our rivals have issued a big profit warning, so we'll issue an even bigger warning.'

Two doomsayers, one with a sign saying 'The end is near due to global warming' and the other 'The end is near due to nuclear winter'.

'Now do you think that's done any good?'

'Tell me more about your premonition of impending dom, Mr Syms...'

How to Game the Popularity Voter Whores

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

'Well, son, the bad news is that one day you'll become fuel to power cars. But the good news is you'll go for $5 a gallon!'

'Before you use that information, I ought to tell you that the computer predicted we'd have record profits last year.'

"I'll go out on a limb and say time will tell."

'Would this affect the markets?'

Be patient, son. I started with Pluto and worked my way up, too.

"Armageddon? Aren't you the one who was saying the sky was falling?"

"Turns out the sky isn’t falling … it's just the global markets crumbling."

"Do I have time to run to the store?"