Injury Prognosticator T-Shirts

'It's probably nothing.'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

Beware of the 4th quarter.

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

The End Is Nigh. . . Told You

"We have reason to believe there may be some volatility in the fourth quarter."

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

'That is correct on so many levels Jenkins!'

Horse five to win, unless they change the jockey.

doom.com

'Well, I'll be darned! It looks like just a lot of the same old stuff from here on out for you.'

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'

"Hmm, offhand, I'd say you have a nasty case of tennis elbow!"

'Took longer than I thought it would.'

"...And your underpants were unusually clean for someone who got hit by a bus."

Field hockey injury? A doctor will see you after the football concussion

A Dow Jones Industrial Average Correction Is Near

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

'I see things starting to break your way. Your computer will break down. Your car will break down...'

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on...'

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

'The End is Near' and 'There's No End In Sight.'

Mr. Science Times

'And right here the company experienced a cataclysmic event of biblical proportions.'

'Our rivals have issued a big profit warning, so we'll issue an even bigger warning.'

'Now do you think that's done any good?'

'Tell me more about your premonition of impending dom, Mr Syms...'

Two doomsayers, one with a sign saying 'The end is near due to global warming' and the other 'The end is near due to nuclear winter'.

How to Game the Popularity Voter Whores

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

'Everyone left, and it's only the second inning. We should have asked them who's going to win.'

"I'd say, psychotic-obsessive -- but I happen to know he's a top-level economist."