Patchwork Fan Gifts

The King's New Robes.

I quilt therefore I am

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

Marcel Marceau's parrot

Joseph and his coat

About the potter.

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

'This guy is really good!'

'What do you mean; 'I should burn less fuel to save the environment'? I only discovered fire this morning.'

'Personally, I don't question these things. My snout period will simply end when it ends.'

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"If we remove the stalactites and replace some rocks, we could flip it for a profit."

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

Artist paints nude model with Etch-a-Sketch.

'It's all hand made.'

'Well! Well! Look what the cat dragged home!...'

Top Hat

"I don't tell you how to gather."

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'

"I told you she'd had some work done."

"Let me guess...you got a job here because you needed new parts for your lowrider project?"

'CROOOAX! If we ever want to sell this damned parrot, we better not anybody what he has done to his previous owners... CROOOAX! If we ever want...'

"It's cut my heating bills right down."

Why Elephants Never Forget.

'I've invented food, and I've invented shelter -- two out of three isn't so bad!'

Make do and mend

'... But, I don't want to see the potential. I want to see the dream house you promised me.'

Gustav Klimt

'I adore a man of many parts.'

Steel fabricator

'Can't you workmen use the canteen for your tea break ?'

Okay, Ernie, tell me if my left turn indicator is on. Yes - No - Yes - No - Yes.