Pastoral Philosopher Gifts

'You don't want to show favouritism Bruce-it upsets the others.'

'I don't understand. I haven't done anything to encourage them...'

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

Giving Things Up For Lent.

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

"He was much more effective in the field."

Yogi back in 5.

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

"I would cite you to the Apostle Paul and his lear and wise command in Romans 13, to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained the government for his purposes."

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

Out for lunch... GOD

Priest

'Aside from a crazed sheep now and then, this is a very risk-free profession.'

"So Jesus, what denomination are you?"

"What should I say this is about?"

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

Religion, This End Up

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

Yahweh/Your Way

"I've never trusted cows."

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

I lactate, therefore I am.

'I've thought the same thing myself. He certainly doesn't look like any of us.'

The Three False Brethren - Henry Sacheverell with the Devil and the Pope

"It's a working lunch."