Parliamentary Staff Gifts

Manners and customs of 'ye Englyshe', scene 3.

"I'm thinking of buying a peerage with the money from my second job."

'Delivery for the House of Commons?'

No! The new mining bill hasn't passed yet!

'Seems like the eyes have it.'

MP opens letter - A tiny lady pops out of envelope.

Betty Boothroyd

Very worst abuse of question period.

Christmas in the Commons

'What's this! Fighting between MP's or is David Haye here?'

"There's definitely less interference from the new speaker."

"Do you have any drugs?"

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Mario Draghi

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Busy office.

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."