Political Staff Gifts

Kamala Harris

Campaign Office. This is how they spread toppings on a bagel around here. They use schmear tactics.

Final Stages Of White House Employment

Harper's new cat

'Somehow, an item slipped into the budget that was bad for your constituency but good for the country!'

"Senator, you seem concerned about your re-election prospects."

"I prefer to keep my op-ed article anonymous. I'm Trump's conscience."

"One of these times, we should change the locks."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

The president's men

Multi-tasking.

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Busy office.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"Look , Malcolm, I get it that you're ambitious. But can't you put that damn thing down just for a minute?"

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

Sales.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Rock and a Hard Place