Parliamentary Officer Gifts

'Okay, all rise now please Ministers! Here comes the Honourable Speaker of the House!'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"The boss can see you now."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

Elections

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

"We've developed a five year plan that includes ample provisions for another five year plan if this one doesn't work."

'Don't blame yourself, Jenkins... let me do that!'

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

The General's Cat: 'Always vigilant!'

"It's not who you know, it's how you use them."

'I didn't realize we'd employed a cyber bully in you, Miss Tweedy.'

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

"John and Sidney work in human relations."

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

Verbal Orders

'Not my short list, O'Neil! You're on my other list!

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

'Why are these polling places so hard to get to?"

Trilby - 'Dodor in his glory'.

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."