Parliamentary Officer Gifts

'Okay, all rise now please Ministers! Here comes the Honourable Speaker of the House!'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"The boss can see you now."

Elections

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"We've developed a five year plan that includes ample provisions for another five year plan if this one doesn't work."

'Don't blame yourself, Jenkins... let me do that!'

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

'I didn't realize we'd employed a cyber bully in you, Miss Tweedy.'

"It's not who you know, it's how you use them."

The General's Cat: 'Always vigilant!'

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

"John and Sidney work in human relations."

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

Trilby - 'Dodor in his glory'.

'Not my short list, O'Neil! You're on my other list!

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

'Why are these polling places so hard to get to?"

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

Verbal Orders

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'