Member Of Parliament Gifts

'Regular or not, sir, you can't claim this as your second home.'

Harold Wilson

Whitehall: Gave honest impartial advice

"He tells it like it is."

Gordon Brown

'Ha! I can see right through that!'

Mentoring (in politics)

Jacob Rees-Mogg

'Take me to your backbenchers.'

'Take a letter,'

'I don't care if you have brought peanuts...you can't feed the MPs...'

"As your new MP I promise to always tell you the truth. My campaign was a tissue of lies."

"As most MPs are lawyers that should give you a clue as to the mess we are in!"

Parliament returns after 5 week break: "You must be exhaused after your four weeks researchign fishing quota management systems in the Bahamas."

"We've had a vote and decided not to have a vote."

David Davis MP

Thanks to my wife for her unstinting Support

Mice in the Commons

Poor chap has just been selected as a Labour candidate for the next election.

Tony Blair

Theresa May's Brexit Deal

'This food and drug regulation is causing my constituents nausea and vomiting.'

"They're worried that the most difficult jobs will be filled by the least competent..." HOUSE OF COMMONS

Jeremy Thorpe.

'Coming up after the break - the brand new extreme makeover show - 'pimp my parliamentary reform'.'

Westminster bubbles.

The young Thomas Mulcair...

How To Spot A Politician

"If we want to cut insurance fraud we have to bring in the experts..."

'Of course Members of Parliament should have term limits -- We kings only get to serve one term!'

Gladstone forgoes the ministerial dinner, it is suggested because he doesn't want to meet his constituents

Newly Married M.P. and his Wife

"I try not to look at the polls."

"I realised it was time to resign when I stopped voting for myself."

"Would you like your MP not to stand at the next election?"