Park Bench Philosophers Gifts

"Wanna swap?"

'Who do you think you're kidding? — the AARP doesn't have secret agents!'

Jurassic Parking Lot

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"I AM at my usual position."

"I'm bored."

"So, what do you do for play?"

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

"Recess does things to a man."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

'Don't let them know you're a prodigy. If they find out, they'll take away your teddy bear.'

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

'They're relics of the many ancient civilization that have dwelled at Blisshaven.'

"It turns out I just wasted the whole morning networking with a dog."

"Ok, so I go back and forth… Then what?"

'You put it down for five seconds. I get it now.'

"So where do you get all your ideas from?"

"I'll wear any kind of dirt, but I prefer a rich loam with lots of humus."

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

"Isn't it about time to switch from your warm-weather chair to your cold-weather chair?"

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

"OK, I'll play outside, but what do I do when I get out of Wi-Fi range?"

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'I don't have to go to school. My mom teachers me.'

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

"I don't think he can touch your in-the-dirt ball."

"Yeah, Charlie wnet to one of those 'mindful outdoor experience' seminars. . ."