Parish Pun Enthusiast Gifts

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Talk nerdy to me."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

baby sweetcorn...

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'Your French dip, sir.'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

Fast food. Even faster food

A Copy Editor and His Dog

hard-boiled egg...

"I guess I'm more of a why-wolf."

Stoneage puncture repair kit...

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'