Parish Punster Gifts

Sign above fire extinguisher case says, 'In Case of Fire and Brimstone Break Glass'.

Collection Discounts

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Sweep the board.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'Iguana know what time it is.'

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dogs life

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Dog Walker

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Pet Cemetery.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'