Parish Punster Gifts

Sign above fire extinguisher case says, 'In Case of Fire and Brimstone Break Glass'.

Collection Discounts

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Sweep the board.

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dogs life

'Iguana know what time it is.'

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Dog Walker

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

Kamikaze Colour