Religious Pun Fan Gifts

"So, please, dig a little deeper and help us get rid of pop-up ads for good."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

A surprise in heaven

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

Dogma

Laughing Zone Ahead

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Om and Ommer

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

Pope Kimba XXIII.

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

"He's highly qualified to be our new associate pastor but he wants all weekends and holidays off - the same days I want off."

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

"Hallelujah!"

"You need a mint."

"Holy moly!"

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'