Parenting Veterans Gifts

"It's so much easier now that the children are our age."

Ivan the Terrible Twos

"Oi! This ain't a posing pouch, you know."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

That's my daughter, Alayna

'I should warn you about my father. He's a landscape gardener.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'Beware of teething baby.'

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"Go to sleep, or she'll sing it again."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Pinata good bags.

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"I'm an expert in crisis management, I've got three daughters!"