Parenting Veterans Gifts

"It's so much easier now that the children are our age."

Ivan the Terrible Twos

"Oi! This ain't a posing pouch, you know."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'I should warn you about my father. He's a landscape gardener.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

"I'm an expert in crisis management, I've got three daughters!"

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"Go to sleep, or she'll sing it again."

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"I have been happily married... three times!"

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'