Parenting Parody Lovers Gifts

'So, Mrs Cuckoo, why would I grant you Maternity Leave when we all know you don't raise your own children?'

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I need to know who started it."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

"Time for bed, guys."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Mom dwarves.

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

A Mom's Purse

Young Godzilla.

"I'm worried that Ud isn't evolving as quickly as the other kids."

"Michael, do your dinner."

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

'Actually both my kids are twins...'