Parenting Influencer Gifts

"Actually ours started walking on water at nine months."

Lets get her cleaned up and fed first, and then we'll see how many followers she has.

'It's not that I don't want to spank you. It's just that I know you'll blog about it if I do.'

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

A is for App...B is for Blogger...C is for Celebrity.

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

"Mommy, watch, I'm living authentically!"

'And, for the student with the most hits on his or her Facebook page, the award goes to Lisa Skemley!'

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

Witches of Instagram

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

"Damn it, are we flying a spoonful of peas again?"

"This is off our first TikTok."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

Creativity 2.0

"He has the tweeting skills of a man twice his age."

'The stuka brought you.'

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"Eye of Newt, wing of bat, let's instagram it!"

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

Paranoia vs Social Currency.

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"