Inherited Influencer Gifts

"Remember, son, when life gives you a lemon, call the attorneys."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

Changing Minds

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

"He has the tweeting skills of a man twice his age."

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Witches of Instagram

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

"This is off our first TikTok."

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

"Influence this."

'Your tweets have quite a following.'