Mama Influencer Gifts

'You know, it isn't the mother's texting while delivering that bothers, it's those damn selfies they upload to Facebook.

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

A is for App...B is for Blogger...C is for Celebrity.

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

'And, for the student with the most hits on his or her Facebook page, the award goes to Lisa Skemley!'

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

"Mommy, watch, I'm living authentically!"

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

Creativity 2.0

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

"We're staying together for the sake of our facebook page..."

Witches of Instagram

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

"This is off our first TikTok."

"Influence this."

"Baldo, why do you make fun of my playing?"

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"