Parental Reflex Wizard Pillows

Code Red!

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

A Tit for Tat.

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

"Mom can really push my buttons. She installed them."

"OK, honey, if I make this one, we blow off Delia's recital."

"Good news. Your child buys into the change paradigm of growing up."

'Except...That.'

Chip and Fran Cooper: The Most Embarrassing Parents in the World.

'If we're seedless watermelons, where did I come from?'

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

"Is it wrong that I miss the dog more than the kids?"

"What did I tell you about destroying Mommy's inner balance?"

'We're not paprazzi. We're your parents.'

"My Marcia has always been so talented in so many areas. I only hope she finds a direction for herself and gets married."

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

"Before you know it, they'll be all grown up and moved to Brooklyn."

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

"I understand that by the time we've hit our teens we'll have them pretty much where we want them."

"You can't come out and play because you have to tidy your room? Man, it's time you cut the apron strings."

'Mother knows best, Dear, so stop rolling your eyes.'

"What a coincidence. My mum is going to be a single mum and I'm going to be a single baby!"

"Don't make me come over there."

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."