Parental Reflex Wizard Pillows

Code Red!

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

A Tit for Tat.

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

I mean, do I set the oven at 400'? 450'? How long do I keep them in? Do I turn them halfway through cooking? Oh, if only children came with instructions.

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son

"Mom can really push my buttons. She installed them."

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

Chip and Fran Cooper: The Most Embarrassing Parents in the World.

"OK, honey, if I make this one, we blow off Delia's recital."

"Good news. Your child buys into the change paradigm of growing up."

'Except...That.'

'If we're seedless watermelons, where did I come from?'

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

"What did I tell you about destroying Mommy's inner balance?"

"Is it wrong that I miss the dog more than the kids?"

'We're not paprazzi. We're your parents.'

"My Marcia has always been so talented in so many areas. I only hope she finds a direction for herself and gets married."

"Before you know it, they'll be all grown up and moved to Brooklyn."

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

"I understand that by the time we've hit our teens we'll have them pretty much where we want them."

"You can't come out and play because you have to tidy your room? Man, it's time you cut the apron strings."

'Mother knows best, Dear, so stop rolling your eyes.'

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

"What a coincidence. My mum is going to be a single mum and I'm going to be a single baby!"