Parental Patience Testers Pillows

'Excuse me mom, I've got to take a call.'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"Procurement and their stakeholder journey down the procurement pathway... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

"Coffee?! After 20 minutes of waiting, I'm FULLY awake without one."

One latte? That'll be $4.50. That apple fritter sounds good. I'll have that too. Ok. Anything else? No, that's it. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. That's all. That'll be $9.00 even. Ooh, are those macaroons fresh? I'll have a macaroon too. One latte, one apple fritter and one macaroon, and that's it. Well what are you waiting for? I don't have all day.

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

The interminable!

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

"I'm too old for baby limas."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

"Gosh, before you know it they'll be all grown up and making poor decisions that you can't comment on or ever make peace with!"

"I can recommend the snails, if you don't mind waiting."

"Go already! Stop letting them in! Just think of yourself!!"

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

"Don't rush me, I've got to get it right!"

"My dad doesn't nag me enough about going to college."

"Sorry about the long wait, but good news. Other than long waits in waiting rooms, I can't find any other causes for your irritability."

"I've had it with the nineties!"

'The fish only bite twice a day here, once before we get here and again after we leave.'

The Tedious Adventures of Mr. Sloth...

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

Driver being taught by impatient parent

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'