Parental Guidance Fan Gifts

'hey, hey, hey! Not in the house! Go outside if you're going to throw your little brother around!'

"From right to left, you have your tekkamaki, your futomaki, and then your yamaimo roll. The little pile of pink stuff is ginger, the green one's wasabi. And, of course, you already recognize your vodka martini."

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"'Course I've seen one before...but never one that ate peanuts!"

Nurse's introduction training - "We don't get the quality of student we used to"

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"It's another e-mail from your folks. You know, this would be a whole lot easier if you'd just tell them about the Web."

Holiday Travel.

Baby in Trunk.

"These are wonderful, precious years before he learns that he's benefitting from institutional racism."

'Has he been out with your mother by any chance?'

'Look, mom! They ran out of trick or treat candy, so they gave us these kittens!'

'Are we ready to order?'

Going to the pub with kids...

"I do miss the crystal ball."

Sharing sweets with dad.

'My mother made me apply.'

'Don't rush me! I need some time to process everything.'

Before birds and bees,

You Will Find a Nearby Restaurant!

"Okay...seriously...it's nothing to worry about, Dad."

Biting Zoo

'I think I've just been touched by the ‘feel-good' movie of the year.'

'Look, I think she recognised you!'

Cinema Certification, Suitable for kids, but will drive parents to distraction.

"My mom said I can't come here anymore." "What? Why not, Billy?" "She said she sends me here to get hot chocolate, not to get bad relationship advice." "What 'bad' advice? All my advice is solid gold." "You told me to call the IRS with an anonymous tip about Andrea Wheaton's father avoiding taxes, so next time he tells her I'm a bad influence he'll look like a hypocrite." "That didn't work?"

'Thank you...and now could I trouble you for a ham on rye?'

'My birthday? The 30th January. What year? Every year Sir.'

'Well, my Dad doesn't care how big you are, Mr. Jones. He'll still knock your block off!'

A Women Out For A Walk With Her Children.

Confidence.

'Why can't you try to be more like me?'

'How many times do I have to tell you? Go and wash your trunk before dinner!'

'Yeah, I use ATMs all the time, but I refer to them as 'Mom' and 'Dad'.'