Parental Expectations Navigator T-Shirts

My mother signed my progress report, but the signature got smudged by her tears.

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

"It's not often you see a sign that is both instructional and inspirational."

Constructing your own prison!

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

Triplets

'We usually have some trouble getting organized the first day of school.'

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

"Why do they tell us not to be childish? We're only nine!"

'You could give it to your mom with a huge Valentine card.'

"He's at that awkward age when they can try him as an adult."

"Haven't been there, haven't done that."

"You're not going out dressed like that!"

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

"I handled his last adventure. You take this one."

"Awww....someone's done a pooping in their pants. How cute?"

'We should've just dropped off our lists and taken our chances. But no, you had to bring a lawyer into the negotiations.'

'I really don't like breast-feeding, but it's really good therapy for her.'

3 days without an accident.

Cinema Certification, Suitable for kids, but will drive parents to distraction.

"Your munchkins are always welcome to play in my garden."

"It's just a phase he's going through, you'll see."

'I know school doesn't start for another week, but any chance I could just drop them off now?'

'If you wanted a kid with a good report card, you both should have married someone with brains.'

'We mustn't frighten the new baby...'

'Mom says it's time for a family powwow.'

"And God, please give clothes to all those poor naked girls on daddy's computer."

"Well, I'm not a doctor but..."

'When are you going to teach me about the opposition sex?'