Parental Balance Appreciator Pillows

"My parents are at the age where they're very involved with their own activities."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

'She's determined to combine a family and a career!'

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

Do you mind if my mother joins our little business dinner ? You know what it's like, I don't want people from the office to think I'm sleeping my way to the top.

'He had bulging muscles and a wallet to match!'

Judge, jury and executioner.

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

'Now, our master is always polite and leaves the seat up for us, not like our Mistress...'

'I've got my wallet here in the left inside pocket. Now I got a bonus and bought a bigger wallet which needs more space. Would you please remove my heart?'

Time to Call Workaholics Anonymous.

'I've been disrespectful again, Dad.'

Plays well with other people's $.

'One day I just decided, screw it - I'm as rich as hell and I'm not going to fake it anymore.'

'Thank you, my dear, for taking the runt of my litter in holy matrimony...'

"I'm sorry, Dad. What I did was really stupid, selfish and wrong."

"Your tech gadgets will become obsolete, but the nice thing about money is it never goes out of style."

'Creative right?'

"This is humiliating. Couldn't you drop me a block from school?"

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

'Any chance of getting a financial advance on my loose tooth?'

Deep pockets on line two.

Elderly tightrope walker.

'I liked being a millionaire before everyone became one.'

"Mom, Dad, am I adopted?"

When we're first born, they clean up our drooling. When we can't swim, they help with our pooling. When halloween comes, they take us ghouling. When homework gets tough, they aid with our schooling. When it gets hot, they make sure we're cooling. Moms are the best! We thank you, no fooling!

"I'm not surprised that it's a bad school report. Statistics indicate that children get their intelligence from their fathers!"

The Battle of Life - Part the First

"My mom has a new boyfriend, my dad has a new girlfriend and all I got was a new therapist."

'That's not cologne. I was just rolling around in our huge cash reserves.'

L. $. G. F. E. S. What has he got that I haven't got?

'The good news is that I've brought you a new pair of bicycle clips...'

A butler holds down a tennis net so his master can more easily jump over it to shake the hand of his opponent.